Seder Wisdom for Your Relationship: The Power of Chochmah, Binah, and Daas

This post is part of a series exploring the sefiros, divine attributes that shape our inner world and relationships. Each week, we focus on one sefirah and how it plays out in real life, especially in the context of marriage. If you're jumping in here, welcome- you're right on time.

Here we are. Erev Pesach. The pots are clanging, the lists are (almost?) checked off, and somewhere under the mountain of foil, freedom is calling.

But before we head into the night of all nights- the Leil HaSeder, the birthplace of emunah, identity, and redemption — here’s a moment of soul-focus. A framework you can bring straight into your Seder and into your marriage. A sacred shortcut to deeper connection: To Hashem. To yourself. To the person across the table.

Let’s talk about something I like to call the CBD process.

No, not the calming oils from the health food store. We’re talking about a spiritual structure rooted in Chassidus and Kabbalah and it just so happens to be the secret sauce of both a meaningful Seder and a thriving marriage.

Understanding the CBD Process

Chochmah- the flash of insight. The initial spark. Binah- the deepening. The expansion and understanding. Daas- the integration. The embodiment of truth.

This structure shows up more often than we think. Especially on Pesach.

At the Seder Table

At the Seder, we move through these levels without even realizing it.

Chochmah is that spark — the moment you hear a line in the Haggadah and think, “Wait… this isn’t just their story. It’s mine.” It’s the first flash of awareness. A new way of seeing Hashem in your life.

Binah is where that spark expands. You start to connect dots, feel the deeper layers. The story becomes personal. “What does leaving Mitzrayim mean for me this year?” It’s emotional, intuitive, feminine knowing.

Daas is where it all settles into your bones. It becomes real. Integrated. Your emunah stops living in your head, and starts shaping your heart, your body, your trust. You begin to relate to Hashem not just as a concept, but as a Presence. And that is the foundation of true bitachon.

In Your Marriage

Now let’s talk about marriage. Because this same process shows up there too.

Chochmah is the spark. The flash of insight. In marriage, it might be that moment where you realize: “Ohhh. He’s not trying to ignore me. He’s just genuinely, physically incapable of multitasking.” It’s the gift of seeing something new. An opening.

Binah is where women shine. It’s the deep, intuitive understanding that fills in the space between the words. It’s what happens when you sense that “I’m fine” actually means “I’m feeling totally unseen, but I don’t know how to say that yet.” Binah allows us to feel into the subtle, to build a fuller picture, of our husbands, ourselves, and Hashem’s messages to us.

Daas is where we fuse knowledge into our being. It’s not head knowledge- it’s lived, integrated, embodied truth. It’s when the chochmah and binah don’t just float around in your head but become part of how you show up, speak, love, forgive, and lead in your life.

A Simple Practice for Yom Tov and Beyond

Take just one interaction with your husband, even the one where he put the pot of chicken soup in the dairy sink — and walk it through the CBD process:

Chochmah- What insight can I glean here? Binah- What’s going on beneath the surface? Daas- What would it look like to act with awareness rather than reaction?

Try it once. It’s small, but it’s soul-shifting.

This is what it means to bring depth into the everyday. To turn sacred ideas into embodied practice. To let your Seder shape your marriage- and your marriage reflect the truths of the Seder.

And it all starts with a spark.

Wishing you a Chag Kasher V’sameach, full of light, laughter, and freedom from the inside out.